Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
