Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Randomize
