We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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