Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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