My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
