mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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