If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
It was confusing and full of hummus
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Randomize
