Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
