if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
