Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
