i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
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