bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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