shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
