I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
