I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
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