I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
