I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize
