Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
