Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
