Michael Bay diarrhea
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
