Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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