you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Randomize
