my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
