i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
