remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
