you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
