i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
