I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
You are a genius and a whore.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize