I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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