I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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