why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
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