I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
