glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
