I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize