So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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