wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
