I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
