what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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