Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
