I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
