So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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