We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
