I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
