Umm I'm too high to move.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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