I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Randomize
