Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Actions speak louder than pants.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
