Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
