The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
