I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
