i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
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