Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
You are the jesus of drinking
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
