So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
