I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
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