haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
