He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
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Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
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4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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