john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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