I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
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Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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