Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
