My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
