this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize