sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
