How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Randomize
