Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
My pussy is not your playground.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
