chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
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