I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
