I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I supernannyed him into submission
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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