I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
