new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Randomize
