my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
